Shopping

I am not a manly man. I don’t consider myself very blokey, but contrary to popular opinion, I do have a few mannish traits. To quote Bob from Blackadder, ‘I fart in bed, I understand cricket. Everything!’ One of my mannish traits is my inability to go clothes shopping. I subscribe to the boom and bust principle: I wear things to death then go out and spend £300 on a whole new wardrobe. I simply can’t ‘browse’.

So it was no surprise to discover earlier today that almost everything I was wearing needed some work. My shoes have holes in (I did try to get new ones but the shop didn’t have my size!), my trousers are too short, and my jumper has gaps that my elbows protrude through (but has lasted 15 years – cracking value for money!). Even my boxers are slightly too small and a tad uncomfortable. I believe this is due to me having bought the wrong size, and is entirely unrelated to any possible weight gain.

In fact, that’s a second mannish trait I have: a complete lack of understanding for clothes sizes, and no recollection of my own when I need it. Why do some things require numbers (apparently known as ‘measurements’) when others survive with just small, medium or large? And why is it that most stores only stock clothes at XXL? Is it because they assume all men are beefcakes, or is it evidence to the contrary as all the other sizes have already been purchased?