The Grass is Always Greener

Some time ago I wrote on here about automated lawn mowers. I mentioned my deep and long-standing hatred of mowing. Having successfully put off any form of grass management at my new house since I moved in last October, it seemed that I should probably rectify this situation before the garden became a wilderness.

My first step was to procure a mower. Fortunately my folks were visiting for bank holiday weekend and decided to treat me to a few items for the garden - a mower foremost amongst them. A visit to Homebase revealed all manner of mowing appliances, mostly electric or petrol, and unnecessarily large and expensive for my grass handkerchief. We found the one mower that required solely man power to drive it, and promptly snatched it up.

We literally snatched it up in fact, since it came in a small box. This is the first flat-pack mower I have ever seen, and my primary challenge was to construct it using the impossibly uninstructive instructions. The whole thing seemed rather flimsy compared with mowers I have met in the past, and yet it's entire raison d'etre is to cut grass, something for which excessive bulk, power or force is presumably unnecessary.

Or so I thought! Right up until I attempted to use it against my lush and nearly foot-high lawn. The first few passes were especially tough, and vaguely reminiscent of trying to run through water. After about a foot of mowing, the blades would clog up with long, thick and slightly damp grass, forcing me to stop and unclog the machine before trying again. Over time I found that a slight run up allowed me to reach two or three metres along the lawn, but the extra pace meant that barely any grass was cut and I would simply glide across the top of it. Having taken some of the thickness out, I was then more successful in future passes, with less resistance from the lawn and some of the newly shed grass even making it into the small collecting tray behind the mower.

Even so, it was not possible to mow more than a couple of yards each time before having to stop. And the machine has no reverse gear - the blades don't turn going backwards, so you have to lift the entire thing to return to where you started. Turning round is pointless as you have covered no distance to begin with and merely flattened all the grass in the direction you are travelling. And each stop requires another bend to unclog the wheels and blades from matted vegetation.

Thankfully my garden is only about the size of a post-it note, but even so I only managed to get half of it done before I gave up from exhaustion. At least it provides variation in habitat for lawn-dwelling invertebrates. Plus I now have some vegetation in my compost bin. And I'm sure the exercise will do me good.

On the other hand, it turns out I could buy a goat or sheep for about the same price as the mower, and let them get on with it!