It dawned on me lately that it's about time I refreshed my assorted appointments. The optician had written to me to remind me, and it has been nearly three years since I last saw my dentist. With a few days leave to use up in the next month or two, it seemed like a good thing to get out of the way.
I am fortunate in that I have not required frequent visits to the dentist as my teeth are in reasonable condition (cue disastrous next health check!). I am unfortunate in that my memory between one visit and the next is sufficiently poor to recall the name of the practice or who I saw. I can recall where my dental practice is located, which makes finding it slightly easier - on this occasion using google street view to remind me what it was called (I could even see their phone number on the sign!).
So I called them. A generic sounding receptionist picked up the phone and said something generic at high speed that I was unable to comprehend. I could guess roughly what it was since she managed to inflect each word or statement in a perfectly generic way. It sounded like the usual 'Hello-XXX-Dental-Practice-thank-you-for-your-call-how-can-I-help-you-today?' response, but I wasn't 100% sure and had to confess that I hadn't understood a word of what she had just said. It turned out she had asked me if she could put me on hold because they were very busy, which was ironic since she her efforts to be more efficient with her time had backfired spectacularly by me asking her to repeat herself.
I was lulled into a sense of dental calm by the 'on hold' music, which featured the soothing tones of Zero 7 with a soft voice over telling me about various reasons to use their dental practice over others, which seemed to be preaching to the converted. Presumably very few dental practice 'on hold' recordings contain adverts for other dental practices. I like the idea of this. I would like to hear someone giving me a phone number for a different dental practice where the receptionists speak clearly and where I won't be put on hold (presumably in case I then get persuaded to call elsewhere, starting a never-ending cycle of calling dental practices).
When the generic receptionist returned, I confirmed that I was hoping to book an appointment, and she asked my name. I always spell out my surname since most people don't include the middle 'a'. Having done so, there was a long period of silence punctuated by tapping at a keyboard and periodic sighing, before she asked me to confirm the spelling again as she couldn't find me on the system. When that returned nothing, she asked whether I had been to the practice before. I had, and was able to tell her that my last appointment was nearly three years ago. She sounded grumpy and said she would have to check the old system. This brought up several questions in my mind:
1. How frequently do dental practices update their systems?
2. Does the old system not talk to the new system?
3. Does she assume that everyone requiring dental treatment will have been seen since the new system was put in place?
It turns out that none of this mattered, since I was also not locatable on the old system either. Having confirmed my date of birth, she was finally able to find a record of my last appointment. At this point I felt confident that things were moving forward. Alas, my confidence was short-lived. It turns out that I have lapsed from their books. I have no idea how or why this has occurred. I did not ask to lapse. I had no contact from them to forewarn me of my impending lapsing, or offering me the opportunity to remain unlapsed. Perhaps everyone lapses automatically if they don't have an appointment for nearly three years. That would appear to be discriminatory against people with teeth in reasonable condition.
In order to resolve this predicament, I would have to re-register, a process that necessitates a visit to the practice to pick up a registration form. Only then can I book an appointment. So now I have to go there twice, instead of once as planned. When I do go, I shall ask the generic receptionist what the optimum length of time is between visits to ensure that no further lapsing ensues. Let's hope the check up is more successful than arranging the check up.
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