It's in the Jeans

I own a pair of jeans that I don’t often wear. I don’t often wear this pair of jeans because they’re not the most practical or comfortable pair of jeans at all times. When wearing the jeans recently, I contemplated what it was that made them slightly uncomfortable and impractical. It seemed to me that these jeans contain exactly the right amount of material, but in the wrong places. For example, the pockets are not the most practical. At the front, there is not enough depth to carry a wallet or a phone, but at the back the pocket stretches down like the Marianas Trench. Placing important items in the rear pockets results in embarrassing retrieval situations where it appears as though you are losing an arm down your backside. God forbid the phone should ring and you have to retrieve it in a hurry. At least nobody can steal your wallet from you. Also, the bottom of the legs flare more than I like, but the hips are slightly too tight. If some of the excess material used to flare the legs could have been redistributed to the hips the jeans would be more comfortable. Perhaps I need to redistribute some of my waist around my ankles to solve this problem. Or buy a very long phone. Perhaps I just need new jeans.